Recently, my father, who just celebrated his 80th birthday, shared that he had discovered three first cousins he had never met. Their absence wasn’t due to distance or estrangement but to a painful family history. My great-uncle had been ostracised for marrying outside the Jewish community, his existence erased from our story.

While this history did not shape my path, it powerfully underscores the broader challenges I confront as a rabbi and Civil Marriage Celebrant. I have seen firsthand the pain of exclusion, the weight of lost connections, and the tension between love and tradition. These realities drive my commitment to rethinking what it means to “marry in” and ensuring that love and belonging are not sacrificed in the name of continuity.

During my 15 years in the rabbinate, much of my early career was marked by a hesitance to take action until I was absolutely certain it was justified and in keeping with tradition. This often resulted in maintaining institutional barriers that, I now understand, could push people away from Judaism—people like my great uncle, whose choices led to exclusion. 

By starting with “yes,” I want to dismantle these barriers and foster a more inclusive environment. One that welcomes rather than turns away.

Since becoming a registered Commonwealth Marriage Celebrant in 2023, I have had the privilege of helping numerous couples, Jewish and interfaith, create meaningful wedding ceremonies that reflect their unique connections to Jewish traditions. These weddings are not just about celebrating a union; they are about reaffirming our commitment to inclusivity and ensuring the vitality of our Jewish future.

The impact of this inclusive approach is tangible. Many of the couples I’ve worked with have not only embraced their wedding day but have also been inspired to continue their Jewish learning or become regular attendees at Shabbat and festival services. This continuation of engagement is a testament to the power of an inviting, open approach.

Each wedding I officiate is an opportunity to create a space where diverse traditions and backgrounds are not just acknowledged but celebrated. These ceremonies are powerful conduits for cultural and religious integration, providing a platform where non-Jewish partners, and often their families, are introduced to Jewish traditions in contexts filled with joy and sacred meaning. This exposure is transformative,  encouraging respect and admiration for our practices, fostering a deeper, mutual understanding among all who attend.

I am acutely aware of the halachic issues surrounding Jewish status and intermarriage. However, as Blu Greenberg famously taught in her book, On Women and Judaism: A View From Tradition, “Where there is a rabbinic will, there is a halachic way.” And just as our sainted ancestors found a way to move our biblical tradition of paternal descent to the rabbinic observance of maternal descent in response to the changing needs of the day, so too do I believe that the time will soon come when solutions within the framework of Jewish law are found that honour both our traditions and the diverse needs of today’s Jewish families.

This journey from saying “no” to embracing “yes” has reshaped my understanding of my duties as a rabbi. It has taught me that our traditions can adapt and thrive through openness and acceptance. By extending a welcoming hand, we do not just accommodate more people; we enrich the fabric of our community, making it more vibrant and resilient.

As I reflect on the changes in my approach, I am reminded of the ideal of openness that has historically characterised the Jewish spirit. This ideal is epitomised by the tents of our patriarch Abraham, which were open on all sides. Today, more than ever, we are called upon to expand our tents, to stretch them wide, to make room for everyone who wishes to join.

Looking ahead, I see Jewish weddings not just as rites of passage but as gateways through which we can welcome new energy, ideas, and members into our community. Let us use these occasions to celebrate not only the love of the couple but also the love of a tradition that can embrace all who wish to be a part of it.

This work is not merely about preserving Jewish identity, it is about ensuring its relevance and continuity by demonstrating that Judaism is a living faith, enriched by each individual who finds a home within it. By advocating for inclusivity and challenging ourselves to remain open, we not only honour our past but also build a foundation for a dynamic and thriving Jewish future.